The Late Cycle
It’s 30 days today and no visitor.
Last month, it came at 29 days.
There’s always a chance . . .
Two months ago it came at 31 days.
It’s 32 days now . . .
I try another test.
It’s 35 days today and no visitor.
I’m so tired.
I’m too tender.
Surely, I must be.
It’s 39 days.
I haven’t waited this long in a while.
And yet, I’ve been waiting six years.
It’s 40 days.
It’s 41 days.
No more thoughts of little booties.
No more hopes of little giggles.
My heart is rent again.
Today, I am giving You my pain.
I am giving You my womb.
I am offering You my suffering
as a way to bring You glory.
This may not be the last disappointment,
but regardless, I will trust in You.
You will be my God.
Take this breaking heart of mine
and make it whole
like only you can.
Please, don’t think this is a plea for sympathy. My desire is for other women to understand the emotions involved in infertility and in the pain of a late cycle. I also desire for women who are dealing with these issues to know that there are others who will accept their pain and not just try to make it go away and that others are going through their same pain. You are not alone.