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I just had an epiphany. Why do women believe that they need to spend time and money to plan their perfect wedding securing photographers, videographers, THE dress, favors, cakes, hors d’oeuvres, a wedding planner, the DJ or band, and the venue, but often have no plans to spend time or money to facilitate their perfect birth?

Women plan their dream wedding, but forget to plan their dream birth.

 The Perfect Birth

Perfect Wedding vs Perfect Birth: Special Event Planning


WEDDING – When a woman gets married she knows that nothing will happen unless she plans it.  She won’t get the venue she wants on accident.  She has to spend time and effort finding just the right place.  Locations outdoors require more planning, such as renting chairs, tables, and tents with indoor locations requiring decorating and special touches for a wedding.  The venue matters.

BIRTH – When a woman prepares for birth, she also has a choice to make.  Will she have her baby in a formal hospital setting, at a birthing center, or at home?  Each location has different pros and cons.  A hospital environment is great for emergencies, but is may not facilitate the choices of the mother for her birth.  A birthing center can be fantastic, but in certain parts of the country these are not as available.  Finally, a home birth can be very relaxing and even allow for using water as a part of the birth, but some mothers feel uncomfortable with the idea of birthing at home.  Location matters.

These are all a mother’s choice in birth and the location of your perfect birth is as important as planning the location of your perfect wedding.


WEDDING – Everyone knows that a bride sets the stage for her wedding either by choosing the right wedding planner or by making the selections herself.  If she loves all things fancy, she’s going to go over the top and have an elaborate display of flowers and candles.  If she loves all things simple yet elegant, she’ll go for well placed smaller arrangements and simple choices that add atmosphere without overdoing it.  Few brides would ever consider leaving out planning the environment of their wedding altogether.

BIRTH – Every new mother needs to know that she sets the stage for her birth either by choosing the right doula to assist or by making her birth plan herself.  At home, she can decide to have candles, a water tub, music playing, lights dimmed, few interventions, and plenty of massage.  At the hospital, she can also decide to have the lights dimmed, bring along some relaxing music, and have an essential oil diffuser.  Or maybe a mom loves all things simple and just wants to keep her focus on birth and have dimmed lights, only specific people allowed in the room, and wants everyone’s hands off.  These are all things that can be planned in advance and they really need to be planned prior to birth.

The environment for your wedding is an obvious thing to plan, have you considered the need to plan the environment for your birth?


WEDDING – As a woman begins to get further into wedding planning, she will begin to collect the people she needs to make the wedding happen.  She might get a pastor to officiate the wedding, a DJ or a band to play music, a florist to design beautiful arrangements of flowers, a photographer to record the event, and any number of extra people to make this special day happen without a hitch.  Brides who plan a wedding expect to pay to hire each person to add something unique to her wedding.  The DJ is worth the money, because she gets the service of having well chosen music at her reception.  Even the smallest weddings have some personnel needs!

BIRTH – As a mother gets further into her birth planning, she begins to collect the people she needs to make her birth happen.  She might hire a midwife to deliver her baby or interview a doctor to find the an OB that is willing to make her birth happen the way she desires.  Many women hire doulas to help them make their birth plan (sort through the details), practice birth positions, and attend the birth as a constant support.  Some moms also hire birth photographers to capture the event of their birth.  This is a special day!

Birth is no different than a wedding in the need for special personnel to make the event happen the way the woman desires.  Each person hired will add a unique element to the perfect birth experience, interview wisely.


WEDDING – A bride is not a bride without THE dress.  Most brides spend a lot of time and money searching for just the right dress.  Considering that we only wear it one day in our life, it is amazing how important we consider to be.

BIRTH – A mother is still definitely a mother without having just the right birth attire.  However, a mother often feels much more at ease when she has spent time selecting her birth outfit in advance.  Hospitals often allow mothers to bring their own hospital gowns as long as they open completely if needed.  Some mothers feel much better planning on less clothing and choose a comfortable sports bra or Coobie type bra.  Other mothers plan in advance to wear no clothing.

Rather than getting to the hospital or going into labor at home without making wardrobe choices, mothers will feel much more at ease when they have given thought to what they will wear for their birth.  You wouldn’t go to your wedding without considering what you would wear, would you?


WEDDING – Brides plan out the food for their guests carefully and most brides are careful to ask the caterer to set aside food during the reception for her and her new husband.  During a wedding reception, it is easy for the bride’s needs to get overlooked!

BIRTH – New mother’s nutritional needs almost always get overlooked in a modern birth setting.  While a mother’s body is running a marathon of sorts during birth, many hospitals insist mothers eat no solid food in order to ready their bodies for an impending surgery.  If a mother wants to eat food to sustain her energy during birth, she needs to do prior planning.  She can choose to bring a stash of food that is both healthy and easy to transport.  In addition, she can bring broth as a clear liquid that provides great nutrition and agrees with hospital policies.  At home, mothers can prepare in advance with health energy boosting snacks.

A bride needs to take care of herself during her wedding to be sure her needs are met and a birthing mother’s nutritional needs are no different.

Why Do-ula Plan Your Perfect Birth?

As you can see, planning your perfect birth is just as important as planning your perfect wedding.  Can you always get the “perfect birth?”  No.  No more than you can assure that your wedding will go off without a hitch.  However, it tends to go much more smoothly and allow the mother much more of the birth she desires in her heart than leaving it all up to chance.

I am writing this post to you as a doula.  As a doula, I help as the “wedding planner” for birth. For mothers who need planning assistance, I ask questions and provide education that help mothers to put together a working plan for their birth. Surprises happen, but I can help you to know what could happen so you will be empowered to make good choices no matter what.

 Doulas can also serve as a “service broker” of sorts to other fantastic resources in the local area.  They may have a list of chiropractors, birth photographers, baby food making divas, breastfeeding experts, childbirth classes, and more.  If you need resources, doulas are the place to go.  In fact, doulas may be willing to point you in the right direction even if you are not currently contracted with them.

For more on my birth services –> click here.

First Steps to Planning Your Perfect Birth

Decide that your perfect birth is as important as your perfect wedding.  This is a life event that will never be forgotten.  Do you want to leave that to chance?

Brooke Shambley

THE Boholistic Mom

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