Many times I have brushed this experience off as wishful thinking.  Only who would ever wish the pain that I have felt over the years remembering that day?

Just a Faint Line

I lived in Gulfport, MS at the time.  I had a three year old beautiful boy.  I had an internship at a wonderful church.  I had a husband who went to work and hurried to come home to me each day.  It was a rich time in our lives.

Having had one child, we hoped to have two children.  At least.  We had been trying almost two years, but we weren’t really worried.  These things take time, right?

Each month came and I hoped and I wished and I became excited.  This will be the month!  Surely!

Each month left and my hopes were dashed.  At times, I felt almost a depression.

Then . . . one month I was late, so I took a pregnancy test.

It was a faint line, but it was a line!  I took a picture of it just to prove to myself that it was really a line.

But when it is that faint of a line, you wait.  You don’t rush into the doctor.  You wait a few days and you take another test.  I waited a day.  Maybe two.

My period came instead.

I went to the doctor to ask them what had happened.  They didn’t say.  They just shrugged it off.  They made me feel small and insignificant.  And most of all, they didn’t bother explaining anything.  Rather than giving me what I needed, they just pushed me away and avoided the entire situation.

I asked around to those friends I […]